


No Matter What

by flyintherightdirection (CoincidenceConnection)



Category: Bride Wars (2009)
Genre: Childhood Friends, F/M, Falling In Love, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-26
Updated: 2019-02-12
Packaged: 2019-05-29 02:50:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 13,002
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15063389
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CoincidenceConnection/pseuds/flyintherightdirection
Summary: The story of how Emma Allen found love again.





	1. Hide away with me

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: I know I'm nearly ten years late to this fandom but I've always loved this movie. Especially Emma and Nate's relationship :) This story has been in my head for a long time and I thought it was time to get it down in words. Disclaimer: I don't own anything except my plot.

This was not how she expected her day to go.

Emma Allen had not expected to leave the Plaza hotel as a single woman. According to all her planning in the last three and half months, she should be leaving as Mrs Fletcher Flemson.

But here she was, Emma Allen, newly single, heartbroken and alone.

Liv and Daniel's reception was finally winding down as Emma waited in the lobby for her parents. She sat on a chair in the corner, half hidden behind a potted plant.

Her parents had been amazing at running interference on all  _her_ wedding guests who wanted to question her more about her scandalous decision to leave her fiancé at the altar. And between Liv's glares and Nate's constant presence at her side, they both had managed to fend off Liv's wedding guests too.

So she hid now in the hopes of not being badgered. In truth, she was exhausted.

She had compartmentalised earlier on, tucking her heartbreak away to be dealt with later, in order to give her best friend the support she deserved on her big day. But sitting by herself, it was hard to keep the waves of sadness at bay.

She had changed out of her Mom's dress a little while ago, and it was Karen, to Emma's great surprise that told her that she would take care of what was left in her bridal suite.

She was glad that Karen had taken her speech to heart, but Emma knew when things weren't about her and one of those times was during Liv's wedding.

It was a moment she would never forget, be able to stand beside her best friend as she got married to the man of her dreams in their dream venue.

It had been a crazy few months, Emma thought, of watching her life spiral out of control. After a lifetime of friendship, Emma was just glad that she the craziness of the fight with Liv had just been temporary.

It had possibly been the worst three months of her life, losing her best friend and knowing that Fletcher was drifting away too.

In the oddest way though, it had been life affirming. After years of going with the flow, of letting people walk all over her and not knowing who she was without using the words, "Liv's friend" or "Fletcher's girlfriend."

She found her backbone along with a realisation that she didn't have to bend to everybody else's wishes all the time.

Of course now her life was up in the air, and the sadness and confusion came flooding back. Where was she going to live now? What about all the mutual friends she had with Fletcher? How would she deal with the looks of pity she was bound to get? Would she regret her decision?

So she was leaving with her parents instead of spending the night with her new husband.

She was pulled from her brooding and overthinking when she saw Nate walk by. He shrugged on his tux jacket as he headed for the doors.

"Hey Nate." She called as he walked past her, watching as he stopped and glanced over in her direction before his eyes focused on hers. "You looking for someone?"

"Yeah." His face lit up, "I was looking for you." He crossed the distance in a few short steps and she made room for him to sit down next to her. It was a little snug, his shoulder was pushed against hers, but it didn't matter because this was Nate.

The boy who had been her first crush, the man who had helped her to adjust to life in New York, the boy who had seen her best and worst growing up, the man who just  _knew_  that she wasn't fine a few weeks ago.

He was Nate.

"Can I hide with you?" He asked. Emma considered his words, wondering if he picked those very words on purpose.

Such simple words and easy question but the last time they were spoken between them, they had held much more weight.

_At fourteen years old Emma didn't really know how to deal with death, much less the death of her friends' parents. Emma rambled around Nate and Liv's house after the funeral service. It was packed with family and friends and neighbours and Emma wondered if the entire town of Rutherford had descended on the house. Liv was sitting with her grandmother, both inconsolable after the tragic death of Liv and Nate's parents in a car accident._

_Emma had sat with Liv all day, holding her hand, wanting to do something to make the pain go away. But her parents had told her that there was nothing anybody could do._

_Emma had seen Nate drifting around all day, from group to group, making sure everything was going okay. He was, she supposed, the man of the house now. He seemed a lot older than his fifteen years, in his black suit and combed hair. But she noticed that he went missing. It felt like a pull at her stomach, that he wasn't around. She couldn't see him, or hear his voice, she just knew that he wasn't around._

_She promised Liv that she'd be back and began making her way through the crowded living room, through the hallway, checked the back garden then the kitchen, feeling restless with the need to see Nate and make sure he was okay._

_She checked all the upstairs rooms and came down the back staircase on the whim of hoping to find anyone who had seen him. It was there she had found him, suit jacket removed, sitting with his back to the right wall with his legs reaching out to the other wall, staring into nothingness._

_Her Nate. Strong, dependable, funny Nate who sat there looking broken._

_Her throat went dry, her mind went blank at the unfathomable concept of trying to make it all better. She stood, a few steps above him, knowing that he hadn't even noticed her presence. If he had, he would have smiled one of his small smiles and told her not to worry about him._

_She cleared her throat, "Can I hide away with you?"_

_She cringed at her choice of words. Who was to say he was hiding? But she felt the need to give him an option to send her away and let him grieve in peace._

_He looked up at her, with those familiar brown eyes, in surprise as if she had just appeared out of thin air._

" _Please." He croaked out, his voice raw._

" _Can I do anything Nate? Do you want me to...?" She fired off questions as she sat on the step above him but he just shook his head._

" _No Em, I…I really appreciate it, I do. You being here is enough." He ran his hand through his hair, something she knew that he only did when he was frustrated, and scrunched his eyes closed and took a ragged breath._

_He opened his eyes as she placed her hand delicately on his hand that was laying on the step, she just wanted to make it better for him. She knew his heart was breaking, but hers was breaking for him now too._

" _I just…I think…" He shook his head, "This is something I have to deal with myself you know? But it's good to know you're here."_

"Can I?" Nate repeated his question and Emma smiled.

"Please."

"I was wondering where you had gotten to." He said, "How are you, really?"

She sent him a mock glare, wondering if he was daring her to say that she was  _fine_.

"I don't know. I feel like everything is a complete mess and I don't even know where to start trying to clear it up."

"I can brush up the confetti and you can stack the chairs?" He asked, the corners of his mouth twerking upwards.

She let out a watery laugh. If only it was all that simple. Ten years of her life. And here she was feeling sorry for herself in the lobby of the Plaza.

"Em?" He asked, his voice softer and she turned her head to look him in the eye. "You'll be okay. You're strong, I know that. I like to think that things have a way of working out."

"Thanks Nate." She whispered, "So what were you looking for me for?" She asked, wiping at the tears that sprung to her eyes and trying to smile but failing miserably.

"Liv told me to give you this before she left." He said, rummaging around in the pocket of his trousers. Liv and Daniel had left for their honeymoon about an hour ago. A parting between Emma and Liv that had just ensured that they both completely ruined their wedding makeup with tears and promises to make up for lost time when Liv got back.

"She said that you were going to need it someday?" He passed Emma a small black box.

She took it from his hand and opened it slowly. She sighed, not knowing if she was happy or sad about it, upon seeing the blue hair clip. She ran her finger over it lightly, a little token of hope in her day of madness. A little token of hope that she would find love and get the happily ever after she had dreamed about as a little girl.

"Is that good or bad?" Nate asked.

Emma shook her head, trying to clear her thoughts, "It's from that wedding keepsake box that Liv and I had. It's our old, borrowed and blue." She smiled.

"Ah from the infamous 'No boys allowed' attic, right?" He smiled at the memories. It had been about the only time that the three of them had ever fought when they were kids. But Nate had not been allowed into their wedding playroom after he had made fun of it. Liv and Emma hadn't talked to him for a whole two days.

She closed the box and put it in her handbag.

"I'm going to figure this out. I can do this. I can be single." She told him in a way of giving a peptalk to herself. "I can find somebody else right?" She ended up searching his eyes for answers.

"You will find somebody else Emma. Somebody who will love you, past, present and future. Somebody who will love you until death do you part."

His expression was unreadable, even to Emma. And she found herself gazing at him longer than she should. Something she hadn't done since she was a teenager.

But he didn't look away from her eyes either.

"Oh Sweetie, there you are!" Emma's Mom's voice broke through their little hidden bubble and Emma jumped. "Your father and I have been searching for you everywhere, we're all ready to go. Hi Nate."

Emma watched as her mother smiled down at Nate like he was the son she never had. Which, he probably was. Liv and Nate had spent most of their time between Emma's house and their grandmother after their parents had died. Emma's parents had helped him move his things for college, her Dad had shown him how to drive, her Mom had cried when he graduated college and they had framed his first New York Magazine article and it hung beside Emma's graduation picture in the hallway at their house.

"Hi Mrs Allen." Still, after all this time, Emma couldn't help but smile. Nate insisted on calling her parents by their titles that were now a term of endearment. They had corrected him so much, telling him to call them by their first names that it had become an inside joke for them. "Where are you off to?"

"Home." Emma admitted, "Aunt Katherine said we could stay with her in Rutherfield. It's closer than Boca, and well, none of us expected to leave tonight." She shrugged.

"Well take of yourself okay?" He said as they stood up. He pulled her into a hug, placing a kiss in her hair. It had always felt as natural as breathing. "And if there's anything I can do to help? Anything I can do at all, let me know okay Em?"

"Thank you Nate." She whispered into the crook of his neck. "I will but this is something I have to sort out myself."

Emma's Dad appeared then, with some of their bags in tow. "Are you ready to go Emma?"

"Yeah." She said, casting another glance at Nate who looked like he wanted to pull her back in for another hug, not that she would have complained.

"Take care Emma." Nate reiterated, after saying his goodbyes to her parents.

With that she walked from the Plaza, the place that had held so many romantic dreams for her, unmarried and flanked by her parents.

She turned her head and got one last glance of Nate standing in the doorway, his hands in the pockets of the tux she helped him pick, looking as handsome as ever. She knew that he'd be there for her.

But she had her life to go and sort out.


	2. When I can't sleep

Emma was still getting used to new haircut. It was the cliché thing to do, she knew it was, getting her a new haircut after a relationship breakup. Even the barista in her local coffee shop commented on it, had she just got her heart broken?

She had, of course, but not in the sense that most people assumed. She hadn’t been cheated on or left without reason. She had broken things off, she had _literally_ ran from the altar, but that didn’t mean the end of her relationship with Fetcher had hurt any less.

But standing alone in her new apartment, with the views that _she_ adored and the little quirks that Fletcher would have hated, it gave her the odd sense of reassurance that she had done the right thing. They were different people. She would always love Fletcher, of course. She just wasn’t _in love_ with him anymore.

They were the words that she repeated to herself on the nights that she had been kept awake from the plaguing thoughts of _had she done the right thing? What had she been thinking? Fletcher was a good guy, what if she ended up alone now?_

But they were the words that Fletcher himself had said when, three weeks after their supposed wedding date, they had cleared out their apartment.

It had taken him time to admit it to himself, he had said, but he just wasn’t in love with her anymore and they both deserved a better kind of love than the one they shared now. He had told her that she was braver than he ever could have been, calling it off.

It was, Emma thought, as she set about making her morning coffee, the most amicable split that she had ever heard of. Especially one that had happened on a wedding day. She was lucky. They wanted nothing but the best for each other. You couldn’t just cut off ten years of friendship and forget about it.

Her phone buzzed on the countertop and Emma picked it up, seeing Liv’s number. She didn’t even get to say hello.

“How are you feeling? Do you have that second copy of your contract with you? Remember to bring up those points I told you about. Are we still meeting for lunch?”

“Yes _Mom_.” Emma laughed at Liv’s monologue. “Liv. It’s _my_ first day at my new job. Shouldn’t I e more nervous than you?” She asked as she took a seat with her coffee and checked her emails on her laptop.

“I know. I know. You’ll be fine. You’ll be totally fine.” Emma smiled at the sound of Liv trying to reassure herself rather than her friend. “But we have to have lunch. I miss you. And you can tell me all about the day _and_ if there any cute teacher men.”

Liv’s priorities were in check.

“Uh huh.” Emma mumbled down the phone. She loved her best friend, she really did. But Liv was taking her new found single-dom personally and wanted Emma back on the love train as soon as possible. She had been on four blind dates set up by Liv in the past month alone and two more dates with guys that Daniel knew but Liv just didn’t like to hear that Emma was actually enjoying being single.

She was learning to enjoy her own company more, she took up new hobbies just _because_ and didn’t have to match her schedule with anyone else’s.

“Okay, okay, I’ll leave you alone. But I love you. Have a great first day.” Emma got off the phone with Liv just as a new email popped into her inbox.

It was Nate.

_Hey Em, Liv’s probably bombarded you with advice on your first day already right? For mine, yours and Daniel’s sanity, PLEASE don’t sign anything she hasn’t read over first._

_Anyway, I’m working on an article and writing it feels like I’m trying to pull a tooth. I’ve attached what I’ve got so far, do you mind reading it and letting me know if it sucks as much as I think it does?_

_Thanks,_

_Nate._

_P.S. By the way don’t worry about today, it couldn’t go any worse than the day you and Liv signed up to that dog shelter right?_ _J_

Emma was glad she alone because the sound that came out of her mouth was something between a laugh and a cry. She reread his message.

Sometimes she thought that he knew her better than even Liv did. He knew that she would be nervous on her first day at her new job. He _never_ let anyone read his work in progress articles without good reason and Emma just knew that he sent in the hopes of giving her something to distract her with. Something to focus on other than the butterflies that were wreaking havoc in her stomach and the incessant need to check her bag again to make sure she had everything she needed for the day.

She appreciated Nate’s gesture. She always loved the reminder that the only way for her to go was up. Her worst first day she had ever had anywhere was when she and Liv had signed up to help out at the local dog shelter. They had spent so much time trying to act cool around the guy in the class that was working there that they hadn’t relocked half the cages correctly. Some dogs escaped, they had somehow ended up with dogfood covering the floor of the reception and even set off the fire alarm. They hadn’t been asked back.

It had been front page of the Rutherford Gazette the next day complete with the headline: _Who let the dogs out?_

Nate liked to claim that it was that article that inspired him to go into journalism. Emma had no doubt that he still kept a copy of that article.

With a smile, she pushed her nerves from her mind and opened up Nate’s article.

She rolled her eyes as she finished it, it was great as always, but she appreciated it all the same. It certainly killed some time, because the next thing she knew she had to drop her mug in the sink, get her bag and say goodbye to her apartment for the day.

 

It certainly was a better first day than the dog shelter, Emma thought, as she re-entered her apartment that evening. Liv had been given the complete run down at lunch and then at coffee after work. Everyone seemed to be realy dedicated to their roles as teachers and most seemed amazed at the amount of extracurricular activities she had managed in her last position. Finally the years of exhaustion had been worth it. She had been through all the first day back routines, setting up her classroom, trying to memorise the other teacher’s names and really getting a feel for the place.

She had a feeling she was going to like it.

She couldn’t wait to meet the kids the next day.

Her buzzer shrilled just as she was just putting her dinner on her plate.

She glanced over at the door as if it would tell her who was there. It couldn’t be Liv, she had to go to Daniel’s Mom’s birthday party or she would be there. Emma’s own parents were still away and her other friends didn’t call so much anymore.

She picked up the phone, “Who is it?”

“Hey Em, it’s Nate.”

“Hey Nate, come on up.” She pressed the button to let him into the building and took out an extra plate while she waited for him to climb the stairs.

He gave her door the same knock he had perfected as his personal knock as a kid arriving at her house. She smiled as she opened it.

“Hey, what are you doing here?” She asked as she wrapped her arms around his neck and felt him hug her back.

He scoffed, “Thanks for the welcome Em. Can I not call over and see how your first day went?”

Of course he did. He was Nate.

He had always been there for her. When she was ten and Jimmy Miles had told her she wasn’t pretty, when her dog died when she was twelve, to help her move her things out for college and even in the last few months. Most importantly in the last few months.

Her ‘wedding’ had acted as a serious magnifying glass on her life. Who she could count on and who she couldn’t. She had a lot of friendly acquaintances but not many friends. Most people she had invited seemed scandalised by her decision and others sided with Fletcher.

But Nate? He had picked up her calls even when she would call him whilst drunk wondering what the heck she was even doing with her life. He helped her redecorate her apartment. And he arrived to see how her first day went.

“Well it’s a nice surprise.” She told him, letting him follow her inside, “I was just about to have dinner, you want some? I still haven’t mastered the art of cooking for one so I have plenty.” She admitted.

“Yeah, sounds good.” He said, placing a grocery bag on one of her chairs. “I brought ice cream if it went bad and wine if it went well.”

“Well we can have wine with dinner then I guess.” She smiled.

“That’s brilliant Emma.” He smiled broadly. “Seriously, you deserve a job that makes you happy.”

A few months ago she hadn’t really believed it, but now she did.

She dished out dinner and filled him in on her day as they ate.

“Sounds like it’s a great place, all your research paid off.” He commented.

“Yeah, I still can’t believe I got the job.”

“Well believe it. They’re lucky to have you.”

She had missed this, time with Nate alone.

Even as kids, when she was technically Liv’s best friend, her and Nate had just connected. Even though he was older and she was shy, they had their own friendship that was completely their own. Liv had always found it annoying, having to share her best friend with her brother but after the accident she had stopped moaning about it, wanting Nate to have someone he could turn to like she had.

But since then?

She found it hard to think of many times it the past ten years that she had hung out with Nate by themselves. Fletcher had always been there, or Liv and then Daniel, or it had been at family gatherings.

And she couldn’t believe she had never noticed. Of course, she had had her happy ending planned with Fletcher, but she had never carved out time for just her and Nate.

“So how are things with you? Is Betty from finance still bugging George?” She grinned over her glass. She loved hearing about the newspaper offices drama he always had news on, it was like hearing about a soap opera. It did help that Nate was a great story teller and usually ended telling her the latest gossip when she nearly cried from laughter.

“Turns out it’s because she had a thing for him.”

“No way!”

“Yeah, and then she had to catch him a conference room with Kat from reception.”

“Ouch.” Emma winced as she started to gather up their dishes. “So how are things in your love life? How’s Alice? I haven’t heard about her in a while.”

She knew something was up straight away as she watched him shrug one shoulder and rub the back of his neck. He got up to help her dry the dishes she washed.

“Eh, actually we broke up.”

“What?” She asked, nearly dropping the plate she was holding. “When? Are you okay?”

“Last week. She just…” He sighed, “I should have seen it coming really.”

“Oh Nate I’m so sorry, you two were really cute together at Liv’s wedding.”

“Yeah, well…”

“Why didn’t you tell me sooner? I should be the one bringing you ice cream.”

“I didn’t want to ruin your big week leading up to your new job.” He shrugged.

“But I made you come out with me and Liv and Daniel. I was forcing you to be happy. Nate I’m so sorry!”

She kicked herself for not noticing he hadn’t been himself that night.

“It’s alright Emma, it wasn’t as bad as I thought. I’ll be okay.”

She dried her hands quickly and pulled him in for another hug, “You will be but you call me if you ever need anything or you want to talk.”

“Will do, thanks.” He smiled one of his soft smiles.

They washed up and dried the rest of the dishes in a companionable silence. She stifled a yawn when they were finished.

“Not sleep much last night?” He asked.

“How did you know?” She laughed.

“Oh please, do you not remember the night before your senior year in high school?” He laughed.

Of course she did.

 

* * *

 

_“Isn’t it time for you to go to bed young lady?” Her Dad asked as he turned up at the bottom of the staircase. It had become Nate and Emma’s **thing**_ **.** _They would sit on her staircase away from prying eyes and have conversations that would last hours. Liv had joined them that night, ruining their seating plan. He had had a growth spurt in the last few years and always sat a step below her so they were level. But Liv squeezed herself in the middle. “And time for you two to be going home, your Grandma will be getting worried?”_

_“Yeah it is I guess Mr Allen,” Liv sighed, “I still can’t believe we’re going to be seniors tomorrow. It’s going to be the best year ever.” Liv hugged Emma and then Emma’s Dad as she made her way to the door._

_Emma had spent the last two hours listening to Liv dictate how they were going to spend their senior year. Boost their reputation, get the hot guys and made it an unforgettable year. Nate had tried to tell her that all that didn’t matter, but she didn’t listen._

_“I better get going.” Nate said, getting to his feet. “I’ve been told I can’t drop Liv off in the morning, I’d ruin her street cred. So I’ve a long drive back to New York tomorrow morning. But I wanted to be here tonight for her.”_

_“I know. I’ll take care of her. I promise.”_

_“I know you will Em. But it’s not all your responsibility for Liv’s happiness, don’t forget to focus on you too.” Nate gave her a soft smile and descended the stairs, “Thanks again for Mr Allen.” Nate gave her Dad what Emma had nicknamed their ‘man hugs’._

_Emma’s Mom had brought them both shopping for going back to school and Emma’s Dad had comforted a Liv that he had found crying by herself because her parents weren’t there to see her become a senior._

_“Anytime Nathan you know that. Give us a call tomorrow and let us know you got there safe okay?”_

_“Will do.” Nate turned to look up at her. She had to remind herself that she was over him. He was going to be a sophomore in college, he would never look at her like anything else but a high school kid. “Have a great day Emma, don’t let Liv drive you too mad, let me know how you get on.” He waved as he followed his sister out the door and down the street to their house._

_She must have spent too long staring at the door after him because her Dad cleared his throat. “How about getting ready for bed, big day tomorrow.”_

_She agreed, kissing her Dad on his cheek and climbing the stairs up to her room. He outfit for the next day (approved by Liv) was lying ready for her on her chair. She got ready for bed, saying goodnight to her parents and climbed into her bed._

_She thought she would fall straight to sleep like always. She hadn’t been that fussed about starting senior year, it was just another year of school and she liked school._

_But Liv’s constant chatter had gotten to her._

_She lay awake an hour later, wide awake and staring at the ceiling._

_What if she didn’t have a great year like Liv had planned? What if she didn’t get into the colleges she applied to? What colleges should she even apply to? How was she going to leave home? What if Liv got a boyfriend and she didn’t?_

_Her mind was racing so hard she had to sit up._

_She grabbled around for her phone and winced at the bright light that met her when she unlocked it._

_She tried calling Liv but got no answer, her best friend could sleep through anything._

_So she tried the next best option, feeling terrible if she was going to wake him with his long drive in the morning._

_He picked up on the third ring._

_“Emma? Is everything okay?” His voice sounded groggy._

_“Hi Nate, everything’s fine, sorry if I woke you.” She whispered._

_“Don’t worry about it. I told you to call me any time remember?” How could she forget? He had told her that as she held back tears leaving him on his first day in college so far away from her. “What’s up Em?”_

_“I…nothing…never mind, I shouldn’t have woken you. I’m sorry. Just have a safe trip tomorrow okay? Okay, goodnight Nate.” She hurried, hanging up before he could reply. What was she thinking?_

_She was being a baby worrying about school when he was college student who had an entire life that didn’t include her in New York. He probably thought she was so lame._

_There was no point in trying to go back to sleep now, so she swung the covers up and crept over to her school bag to make sure she had everything she needed. She had already triple checked it that day but one more time couldn’t hurt right?_

_She was half way through when her cell phone rang, she nearly fell rushing over to it, she didn’t want her parents knowing she was still awake._

_“Nate?” She answered._

_“Hey Em, are you sure you’re alright?”_

_“I’m fine.” She told him swiftly._

_“Uh huh, look out your window.” She looked around before making her way over to it and opening the curtains._

_There he was. Waving a flashlight at her window._

_“What are you doing?”_

_“I figure we could go for a walk.”_

_“Now?”_

_“Well yeah, if I can’t sleep I go for a walk to clear my head.”_

_“How am I supposed to get down there?” She asked him._

_“Remember that time last year that you and Liv tried to sneak out to Simon Kay’s party? Didn’t you climb down from your window?”_

_“How do you know that?”_

_“My Grandma had great fun telling me the story.” He laughed quietly. Okay so maybe Liv had suddenly developed a fear of heights and froze on the sloping roof of the porch until Emma had to call her Dad to help get them down. It hadn’t been their best idea. “So are you coming down?”_

_She didn’t answer, instead she hung up and she grabbed her jacket and sneakers and opened the window. Liv mightn’t have been able to do it, but Emma could. She had practised afterwards, she loved the thrill._

_She had stepped onto the patio table when Nate appeared at her side, placing a hand on her side to steady her. She climbed down as quickly as she could._

_“How did you know I couldn’t sleep?”_

_“Because I didn’t sleep before my first day of senior year either. And you wouldn’t call me for nothing. What’s on your mind?”_

_She took a breath. She wasn’t sure he would want to listen but she had to remind herself that it was Nate, not some other guy._

_So she started to relay all the worries that had plagued her, all her doubts of what she was going to do, her fears for the future and her concern that she would somehow mess everything up the next day and ruin the entire year for Liv._

_He listened, like he always did, as they wandered through the meadow that neighboured the back of her house. He just seemed to know what to say, that she would figure things out, that she was one of the wisest people he knew. They sat under one of the trees as he relayed all the thoughts that hadn’t let him sleep the entire first week of his freshman year in New York._

_She was glad to have him. It was nice to have someone who got her._

_Liv loved her, and they were best friends but they were such different people._

_They drifted off into reminiscing about childhood stories until Emma felt her eyes get heavy._

_“I think I’ll get to sleep now.” She admitted with a yawn. She told him she would be fine, but he walked her home all the same. The night sky was clear and full of stars and was warm enough for the time of year. She could have stayed outside forever with him._

_“Goodnight Emma. Sweet dreams.” He kissed her on the cheek, “Call me let me know how tomorrow goes.” With that he began wandering home and she touched the spot that he kissed._

_Maybe she still did have that crush on him, just maybe._

_She fell straight to sleep as soon as she crawled into bed and her head hit the pillow. Her alarm shrilled after what felt like a few minutes sleep to alert her to the fact that she had to rise and shine. First day of senior year._

_Her mother was a wreck, crying happily ever so often that her baby was growing up so much. She and her Dad dished out the cereal they liked best._

_“How did you sleep?” Her Mom asked._

_Emma hesitated, “Good, thanks.”_

_“Ah you missed a beautiful night out, the skies were clear. It would have been a nice night for a walk.” She was pretty sure her Dad winked at her._

_She practically shovelled up her cereal and made a run for the bus with the excuse to meet Liv._

 

* * *

 

“And what was I supposed to do, call you again and go for a walk around the city at night?” She asked with a smile playing on her lips.

“New York under starlight. Doesn’t sound like the worst thing in the world?” He smirked, shrugging on his jacket. “I’ll let you get ready for tomorrow. Let me know how it goes.” He smiled, leaning in to kiss her cheek. She walked him out of the building.

It was only when she was back in her apartment alone that the question flashed like neon lights across her mind.

Since when did Nate’s kisses on her cheek make her knees weak?


	3. That feeling is too familiar

Chapter 3.

Ah, the annual Allen family reunion. It was, as Emma liked to put it, the craziest day of the year.

Her aunt’s house in Rutherford was overrun by various Allen cousins, by distant relatives and at this stage, half of Rutherford too.

It was always held at the end of September. Emma wished this year it was held earlier so she could have used the excuse of still settling into her new job for not attending. But she had settled in better than she expected at work. She was learning all the quirks of the kids in her class and she had even gone or drinks with a few colleagues. It felt like a chance to start her life over.

But her family reunion?

She was dreading it.

Emma had a seemingly never ending train of family members that just loved to push and poke and question her over everything she was doing and find ways to tear her down. As her Dad’s only child, she got too much unwanted attention.

And after leaving her fiancée at the altar? It was set to be the worst year yet.

She felt like she was getting ready for an interrogation as she put her light blue summer dress on that morning. She could have used some armour.

When she had been a kid it had been the day she looked forward to the most, a host of kids to play with and so much food, then as a teenager her and Liv had giggled over her cousins good looking friends who would come along.

At least she was used to going to the event solo. Fletcher had gone to one and always managed to make excuses for the next eight years. He didn’t do family things he had said. But she knew deep down that he just didn’t do _her_ family.

“Oh don’t you look wonderful, did you put on weight?”

“When did you get your hair cut?”

“How are you dear, after that horrible incident?”

“Oh _why_ did you cut your hair?”

“Your poor fiancée, sticks with you for so long and that’s how it turns out.”

“The clock is ticking, you’d want to be finding someone new soon huh?”

“Do you still have Marion St Claire’s information, _my precious Elizabeth_ just got engaged, did you know?”

Emma somehow managed to smile through the questions that felt like arrows through her heart for the first hour, helping dish out food and making smile talk.

“There you are! Hey Emma, Liv’s looking for you.” Daniel appeared at her side as her 2nd cousin Hannah was harping on how she should have made it work with Fletcher.

“Oh right, sorry Hannah, I have to go, we’ll talk later.” She fake smiled. She had plans to never talk to the woman again.

“Is Liv okay?” Emma asked as her and Daniel made their escape from the living room.

“Oh she’s fine, talking the ear off your Uncle Anthony about some new legal procedures. You just looked like you needed an escape route.”

“Have I mentioned that I love you Daniel? Because seriously I do.” She laughed.

She had liked Daniel the first time she met him. Liv still wasn’t so sure about him, but Emma could see straight away just how much he complimented her best friend. They were perfect together. And it came with the added bonus of her becoming friends with him too.

“Ah Emma now c’mon, I’m a married man.” He joked.

She groaned, “Please whatever you do, don’t remind anyone that I’m unmarried.” She grinned.

“You coming outside to watch the game. Allens vs Others is about to start I think.” He asked.

There were football games played in the backyard all day, kept all the kids entertained, and given teenage Emma and Liv a good chance to ogle the cute older boys.

“Sure, sounds good.” They took a seat at one of the many round tables spotted in the large back garden. Daniel and her chatted away as the kids played. He asked about the dance class that she had joined. She now had time for hobbies after work and had taken up a dance class and flower arranging course just _because_. Because she wanted to. Because she didn’t have to run it past Fletcher who would tell her that it was a waste of time.

“Daniel! Come over here and fill in Anthony on that new system you are implementing at work.” Liv called from the patio.

“That’s my cue.” Daniel said as he waved over and smiled to Emma.

“Thanks for saving me back there.” She told him as he got up. “If you need saving from Uncle Anthony just pull on your ear.” She grinned.

“I might have to use that. I love your family but sometimes…”

“Oh I know, _believe_ me.”

With that she was left sitting by herself while the party went on around her. She shifted her attention to the game that was taking place, trying to ignore the feeling like she was some sort of exotic animal at the zoo under observation by the rest of the crowd.

“Help me.” Nate huffed as he took a seat beside her with two beers in his hand and glanced over his shoulder.

Emma laughed, she knew the reason he was hiding. Over his shoulder she could see her younger cousin Valerie walking around looking for someone, or more specially, looking for Nate.

He handed her a beer, “How are you not an expert at avoiding her by now?” She asked.

“I don’t know but every single year she finds a way of cornering me.” He said.

Valerie had had her sights set on Nate for years now. She often caught the younger woman bragging about how handsome he was, how reliable, how good of a job he had, how he would make an awesome boyfriend for her.

Poor Nate, who tried to let her down easily every year, remained adamant that she just wasn’t his type.

What his type was exactly, Emma never knew, his girlfriends were never the same and barely had anything in common. Ever.

“Well I think you’re pretty safe here, I’m the social pariah this year.”

“Ah so you’ve taken over from Great Aunt May who married that guy our age then?”

“Something like that.”

And it was true, they sat for the next three hours by themselves. Watching the game, talking and catching up. Nate had been away for two weeks with an assignment and she has missed his presence more than she would ever admit. Nobody bothered them, apart from the odd visit of Liv or Emma’s parents.

The hours ticked by. The sun waned in the sky, the smell of barbeque wafted on the air, the laughter was all that was heard. But they sat in their little bubble. Her light blue dress and his button down shirt.

“Hey Grammy.” He stood up to kiss his grandmother on the cheek as she ambled over to them. “You okay?”

Emma always had the upmost respect and love for the woman who had brought up her two teenage, grief ridden grandchildren. She was a force to be reckoned with, even if her shock of white hair and bad hip made her look soft.

“I’m just fine Pet. Be a dear and get me a drink would you?”

“Of course.” He said, “Take a seat. Em, you want a drink?”

“Sure thanks.” She smiled.

“So how are you doing Dear?” Grammy asked, because Emma had been told in no uncertain terms that she was part of the family after her daughter and son in law died and she was her Grandma too.

“I’m…getting there.” She admitted honestly.

 “Well, I haven’t seen you smile like this in months.” She commented as Emma tore her gaze from Nate’s retreating figure.

Emma gave a small smile, “Nate was always good at cheering me up.”

Grammy gave her a long look. “He’s a good man, my Nate.”

“He definitely is.” Emma said.

“He’d be a good husband too.” She struck Emma with a straight look that could leave no uncertainty to the fact that she meant her grandson would a be a good husband _for Emma._ Nobody could call Grammy subtle as Emma felt like she was suddenly choking on air.

“Sorry what?” She squeaked out.

“What’s up?” Nate asked as he came back, drinks in hand.

“That was quick.” Grammy said.

“What can I say? Aunt Katherine loves me.” He smirked. “You okay Em?”

“Yeah. I’m fine.” She recovered quickly. He raised his eyebrows at her phrasing.

“I was just telling Emma about the surprise birthday party that Liv is organising for me.” Grammy laughed, covering Emma’s hand with her own.

“How do you know about that?” Nate laughed.

“I know everything Dear.” She patted his cheek.

Emma couldn’t argue with that.

She thought it was impossible, she had never told _anyone_ about her teenage crush on Nate. Not even Liv.

As the evening set in, people started to drift off. Something that Emma was glad if, it meant she could make a run for it.

“Any chance you want to make an escape with me?” Nate asked as he had just warded off an increasingly drunk Valerie.

“Thought you’d never ask.” Emma grinned, “I’ll just tell Dad.”

He cleared up their empty drink bottles and she made a quick dash to tell her father she was leaving.

“What a day huh?” Nate laughed as they made their way to their cars.

“Yeah it was a day, alright.” She scoffed.

“If they learned to mind their own business it would be better, but I’ve given up hope on that front. Still, I’d hate to miss it, it’s nice having traditions.” He mused.

She knew that he still missed his parents, even if he didn’t mention them that much anymore.

Maybe it was the beer or the fact that she was free from her busybody relations but she found herself winding her arm around his waist as they walked along, “I like having you here. It wouldn’t be the annual Allen family reunion without you and Liv.”

As if it were the most natural thing in the world, he wrapped an arm around her shoulder, “Thanks Em.” They reached her car first.

“Drive safe okay?” He told her, giving her a proper hug.

“You too.” She told him.

But they stood there a few seconds too long, still holding onto each other. A breaths width apart and Emma felt it again. That fizzle of a spark deep in her soul that she hadn’t felt in years around Nate.

The kind that took her breath away and left her feeling like time had slowed down.

 

* * *

 

_“Ugh Emma, stop stressing, it’s not until tomorrow morning!” Liv said with a stern voice from where she was sitting reading a magazine on the armchair in Emma’s room. “It’s not that big of a deal”_

_Not a big deal? It was a huge deal._

_The next morning was Emma’s first date._

_At sixteen she was achingly aware that she was what her Mom called a ‘late bloomer’, even if her Dad was telling her stop ‘blooming’ and just stay a kid forever._

_Liv was fine, she had gone to camp the previous summer and had her first kiss and wrangled her first boyfriend, who incidentally was also her first heartbreak._

_But Emma had never kissed a boy. She was the quiet one to Liv’s exuberance. She had boring brown hair compared to Liv’s blonde. She was too tall and lanky and had none of the curves that Liv did._

_No boy ever even looked twice at her. Until last week when Michael Durran, a junior who had noticed her in the library, had asked her out._

_He was picking her up the next morning and Emma was freaking out. What if she was too awkward? What if she couldn’t walk in the wedge heels that Liv had let her borrow? What if he kissed her and she didn’t know how to kiss properly and it freaked him out? What if she ruined the whole night and no boy ever asked her out again?_

_How was she supposed to get married at the Plaza if she couldn’t even go on a first date?_

_“Emma. Breathe.” Liv told her, coming over and putting her hands on her shoulders and speaking straight to her._

_“Okay. Yeah. I can do this.” Emma tried to convince herself._

_“Yes you can, now come on we’ve spent forever picking your outfit Grammy is going to want me home soon.”_

_With that Emma followed her best friend silently down the stairs where she found her parents sitting in the kitchen with Nate and his Grammy._

_All she could do was blush because now everyone would know she was acting flustered because it was her first date tomorrow. Now Nate would know._

_She didn’t know when her steadfast friendship with Nate suddenly took a u-turn to crushing on him. Sometime last summer when Liv was away and her and Nate would hang out like they had since they were kids. But there was something different about him that made her heart race like it never had before. He had grown tall in a short space of time and grew his hair a little longer, and suddenly it took all her effort not to fall over when she was around him. All he needed to do was smile at her and suddenly she had trouble catching her breath._

_“Oh hello Dears, what are you two up to this evening?_

_“She’s so nervous.” Liv announced with a roll of her eyes. Emma could only avoid everyone’s eyes and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. “We all get those first date nerves right? Seriously Emma you’ll be fine.”_

_“Liv…” Emma chided. She didn’t think she could blush anymore._

_“And it’s not like first kisses are as important as you say. Seriously, believe me, they won’t care if act like a washing machine.”_

_“There is no kissing.” Her Dad cringing._

_“Uh huh.” Grammy said to Liv with an eyebrow raised, “And we better be getting home shouldn’t we.” Emma didn’t miss the wink she gave her parents over Liv’s shoulder. “Come on you two, we should give Emma some peace. Enjoy your night Darling.”_

_Emma gave a sigh of relief when they left._

_“Morning Em.” Nate greeted her as she stepped outside to hunt her Dad in for breakfast. She found Nate with her Dad looking under the bonnet of Nate’s first car that had seemed to be dying a slow death the past few weeks._

_“Hi Nate.” She said, trying to act normal. She was still in her pyjama’s of her oversized t-shirt and shorts and while Nate had seen her look a mess a million times growing up, lately it felt different, as if she didn’t want him to see her when she looked anything less than perfect._

_“Big day huh?” He asked, sighing when her Dad tried to turn the key and the engine chugged almost painfully into life._

_“Don’t remind me.” Her Dad commented, “I’ll try again after breakfast Nate.” Her Dad said, wiping his hands and making his way inside._

_“Do you want breakfast?” She asked but then kicked herself. She had been doing that a lot around him too, second guessing herself, trying to be someone he would like. Would her inviting him sound desperate?_

_“No I’m good thanks, I had something before I came over.” He said as he closed the bonnet. “So how are you feeling about this date then?”_

_“Fine…”_

_He tipped his head to one side as if seeing right into her soul, “How do you really feel?” He prompted._

_“I don’t know…I’m nervous? I don’t really know this guy, I mean he’s cute and Liv thinks he’s cute too. I’m just worried…” She bit her lip, she had already said too much._

_“Worried about what?” He asked, leaning against his car._

_“What if he kisses me?” She blurted out then immediately felt her face go red. Had she really just said that out loud? She wanted to steal his car, drive away and never have to look him in the eye again, he was definitely going to think she was pathetic now, some silly sophomore._

_He glanced at the ground as if contemplating his words, “You don’t want him too?”_

_She shrugged helplessly, before throwing her hands up.” I don’t know!” She started pacing, just to not have to look at him, “I guess I just…I just wanted my first kiss to be this amazing romantic experience, with someone I liked and trusted so even if I didn’t do it right, they wouldn’t care and out under the stars and…” She huffed, “Liv thinks it’s stupid.”_

_“Liv doesn’t like sharing attention.” He retorted instantly._

_She just shot him a glare, that was her best friend he was talking about, and kept pacing, wringing her hands in mild panic._

_“What if I mess up? And he tells everyone? And I end up alone for ever? And Liv gets married and I’ll become the stupid best friend that no guy ever liked, all because I’m worried my first kiss won’t be special.”_

_“Emma!” He appeared in front of her seemingly in an instant. He hands were placed lightly on her waist to hold her in place and stop the stressed out pacing. And his eyes were searching hers, for what she didn’t know. “That guy would be idiot not to see how awesome you are and you deserve an amazing first kiss.”_

_Everything seemed to slow down and she became acutely aware of her hands moving to rest on his upper arms, they weren’t pushing him away, it was more like they were drawing him closer. Her stomach was doing summersaults and his intense gaze was going nothing to stop the weak feelings in her knees._

_“Emma.” He said her name in such a soft reverent whisper that she knew she could never forget it._

_“Emma?” Her Mom’s voice came from inside her house, the door had been left open._

_And whatever that memorising experience had been was instantly shattered as they both seemed to jump, and he withdrew his hands as if she had burnt him._

_Her heart was hammering so hard in her chest that it took her a second to compose herself and shout to her mother that she was on her way._

_Nate was running a hand through his hair, “Hey Em, tell your Dad not to worry about the car, I’ll be back tomorrow anyway.” He said as her brain rushed to keep up with the fact that he was suddenly not within reach and instead getting into his car. “Have a good date.” He said, with a fake smile all the while avoiding her eyes._

_She thought something magnificent was about to happen. But it was just in her head wasn’t it?_

_This was Nate. He couldn’t possibly like her as she liked him._

_Still, she was left feeling light headed as he drove out of the driveway and she raised one hand in a wave._

* * *

 

He looked at her with sad eyes, and with a tortured smile, he tucked a stray piece of hair behind her ear. “Emma…I…”

Whatever he had been going to say got cut off by Liv’s shout from behind him. His arms disappeared from her waist and were behind his own back in an instant. And Emma was left with a dizzy feeling, trying to keep up, did she just imagine it all again?

It was ridiculous. She was over Nate Learner. End of story.

“Are you two going home already?” Liv asked as she approached and then she stopped, glancing between the pair. “What’s going on?” She asked with a smile playing on her lips.

So maybe Emma was blushing a little but she could kick her friend for trying to point it out.

“Nothing I was just hoping Nate’s new car his more reliable than his first car.” She didn’t know the words were coming out of her mouth but she felt all of sixteen again.

“What was wrong with his first car?” Liv scrunched up her nose, trying to remember. But Emma didn’t blame her for not remember, she had been in the depths of her first heartbreak when Nate had bought the rust bucket that was his first car.

“Oh remember my Dad was always helping him trying to fix it up?” Emma smiled.

Nate looked at her like he was seeing her for the first time, “…Yeah…I remember.” He said.

Emma swallowed hard, “Well I better get going.”

“Get home safe, and call me later, I have to tell this story your Uncle was telling me…” Liv waved happily as Emma climbed into her car and pulled on her seat belt, all while being acutely aware that Nate’s eyes never quite torn themselves away from her as she pulled off and started for home.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! I'd love to know what you thought. :)


	4. Can we rewrite history?

Emma's phone rang from her pocket and it took a few seconds for her to root through her many layers of clothes to find out exactly which pocket it was in.

The New York winter was hitting hard already. Even with her winter clothes on, and a hot chocolate in her hands, she could still see her breath. And it was only November.

"Finally! She picks up!" Liv's exasperated sigh greeted Emma at the end of the phoneline.

"Hi Liv." Emma smiled to herself.

"Tell me you haven't been picking up your phone this morning because you overslept after having a hot date last night…"

Emma stifled a laugh, Liv would not be content until Emma found herself a husband.

"Well you were right about the sleeping in," Emma huffed as she picked up her pace upon juggling the hot chocolate and her phone to check her watch. She needed to catch the bus. Now. "But not about the date part."

"What about the hot part?" Emma could hear Liv smirking and kicked herself. With that tone of the voice, the  _I caught you out and I'm not letting this go_  one, Emma would be hearing about this for a long time. Just like Spring Break.

Emma let the sounds of the early morning traffic fill the silence as she debated how to approach this new subject.

"But seriously what is with you and Nate? I mean please, is  _writing and correcting_  the new code word for sleeping together?"

Straight to the point, good old Liv, Emma blushed.

"Okay, what has brought this on?" Emma asked, as she paid her fare and found an empty seat near the back of the bus.

"Because! You've been spending most of your free time with Nate all of a sudden and don't get me started on the rumours you two started, looking all cosy at Grammy's party."

"I've always spent time with Nate. He's my friend too remember?"

"Yeah and I'm your best friend and his sister and neither of you will do your work anywhere near me."

"Well maybe that's something about you?" Emma teased.

"No. You always get stressed out with your correcting and school work, just like when you used to have to do homework and assignments and Nate always gets ridiculously tetchy about anyone interrupting his flow of writing. And suddenly you two can just spend cosy nights in together?"

"I don't know what explanation you want Liv, Nate and I can just work together." Even as she said it, Emma scrunched up her nose. That wasn't the right description. It never felt like work.

Spending time in the evenings together, in her apartment or his, arguing over the choice of take out, while he wrote draft articles and she attacked the pile of uncorrected assignments and tests. It was work, but it didn't feel like it. He was the only person that she could listen to and not get annoyed at. She would read his work and he would help her organise her work better.

It wasn't exactly the first time they had found such a good rhythm.

* * *

_Emma rubbed at her sore eyes. This assignment was killing her._

_And it was only her second one ever. She had done well on her first one but now she was afraid that it was a fluke and she would just end up messing everything up and drop out of college during her first semester of freshman year._

_Liv had told her she was being dramatic before she left for some party earlier that night._

_Emma stayed home, like she always did. She had looked forward to college for so long but it just felt like it wasn't fitting right. And she hated that fact. She used to love going out with Liv and laughing until she cried but now with all Liv's new friends and the new city and new environment, Emma just didn't have the need for it anymore._

_A knock came to the door of the dorm that she shared with Liv and Emma just presumed it was just some new friend of Liv's calling around. Emma had yet to make any real friends and nobody ever called around to see her. She ignored it as she went to make herself a fresh pot of coffee._

_But another knock came to the door and Emma just rolled her eyes._

_She just wanted a quiet night alone so she could try and salvage her education._

_She swung the door open quickly, ready to tell the person to go away. Liv wasn't home._

_But she lost all ability to breathe, never mind talk, when she was met by Nate Learner on the other side._

_Despite all her efforts, her lingering crush was still there._

_She thought college would be her fresh start. That she could finally get over him. That she could create a whole new life in this new place and put Nate firmly back in the 'friend' box. She shouldn't have high school crushes on her best friend's brother in college._

_But no such luck._

_He stood there, his hair damp from the rain, his familiar eyes and easy smile that still made her slightly weak at the knees._

" _Hey Em."_

" _Hi Nate. Eh…Liv's not here right now…" She said._

" _Good. I came to see you." He nodded over her shoulder, "Can I come in?"_

" _Sure, I guess…" She stood aside to let him. She cringed to herself, the table was a mess of haphazard notes and empty coffee mugs and she was in the only clean clothes she had left, her worn out leggings and an old band hoodie. She swallowed, the hoodie had been Nate's. Emma had been handed it by his Grandma one cold night when she was going to walk home to put over her t-shirt and well, she had kept it because she was seventeen and still in love with him. Now she was turning nineteen and found comfort in having him near her somehow._

_She hoped he wouldn't notice._

_Her other plan for college was to become so mature and irresistible to Nate that he would just fall head over heels in love with her. But with her lack of social life and bad study schedule and messy rooms, it didn't look like that was going to happen._

_She hated that she still hoped about the possibility every night._

_He took a seat at the table, not seeming fazed by the mess and her haggard looking appearance. "I've missed you, you know." He said and she was pretty sure she was hallucinating from too much coffee because she was sure that he was blushing at his own admission._

_She missed him too. But she was also avoiding him too. Her life was a mess of stressing out that she wasn't doing good enough and being embarrassed by how much homesickness was affecting her. And she didn't want to be a liability for him._

" _I thought you would be out tonight but Liv said you were staying in so I thought I'd call, is that okay?"_

" _Of course it is. You don't need to ask." She said as she pretended to organise the notes all over the table._

" _So…how it is going?" He asked, "You guys seem to be taking college by storm eh?" He asked but the smile didn't meet his eyes._

" _What?" She asked, blindsided by the statement, as she got another mug down for him._

" _Well Liv is always busy and taking extra classes and having dates and parties to go to and I hadn't heard from you in ages so I presumed you two were doing okay?" Now he questioned his own statement, she could feel him looking at her. He could always read her like an open book._

_It was why she was avoiding him. She didn't want to admit it to anyone else apart from Liv that things weren't as brilliant as she pretended they were._

_She gave up making the coffee and leaned back against the counter. "I mean Liv is doing great. Me?" Emma shrugged hopelessly, mortified when her lip started shake. She would not cry._

_He stood up quickly and engulfed her in a hug. She gave up all pretences of being fine and leaned into his embrace, curling her own arms around him. He was always there for her._

" _Is it bad that I'm slightly relieved? Liv is having this wonderful time and my freshman year sucked." He admitted with a soft laugh that she felt more than heard._

" _I thought it would go better than this. I thought I was better than this." Emma admitted, not willing to let go just yet. "I'm already drowning in study and I have this assignment due and I'm not getting anywhere with it and it feels like it's all pilling up on me and…" She breathed deeply, "I'm a crap friend, sorry for not keeping in touch."_

" _Hey don't worry about that, we'll always be there for each other right?" He asked, even if her own hold had slackened, Nate seemed quite contented in her arms._

" _Right." She nodded._

_But she needed to move. Now. Or she would get far too attached to being his arms._

_He gave her a lopsided grin, "And hey if there's one person who knows how to claw his grades back up in college, it's me…want to take another look at that assignment, I may not know anything about teaching but I'm an expert at referencing."_

_They seemed to effortlessly fall back into their old dynamic that happened whenever Liv wasn't around. They hadn't been alone together in so long and it somehow felt easier to breathe, to just be when it was just her and Nate. They could be themselves._

_He got her through the assignment and was there when she found out what grade she got. He helped her on the condition that she would visit him over in his campus for coffee the next time she was free. There she had poured over an article he was writing to submit to the college newspaper that would eventually land him a spot on the newspaper team._

_College life did get easier with Nate now with her. He would swing by after her lectures to catch up and she'd get up extra early to trek across the city to get her hands on the first copies of his newspaper just to read his finished articles and send copies home to her parents and his Grammy._

* * *

"Remember in freshman year in college? We had a good rhythm." Emma argued to Liv as the bus chugged along.

"Yeah but that was  _years_  ago. And we were in college and you had no life."

"Ouch. Thanks Liv." Emma said sternly.

"I'm sorry but it's true." Liv said, "Oh my gosh remember that though?. I honestly thought you two were hooking up."

"Excuse me?" Emma half laughed in panic, her cheeks flaring red.

"Oh come on, he'd hang around our place all night and you would dash over to his campus at a moment's notice. I just thought you two were being way too obvious."

"Okay just to clear up any doubt, Liv we were  _so not_  sleeping together." She enunciated her words just to be sure.

"Oh I know that  _now_. You dropped Nate as soon as Fletcher came along and you were never a 'love them and leave them' kind of girl anyway."

"I did not drop Nate." She argued as she stood up for her stop.

"Yes, you did."

"No, I didn't." She remained adamant but was trying to remember how things went. It all got a bit blurry after she met Fletcher, she became love struck and everything had been a happy haze.

"Do you want to ask Nate because you totally did. Not that I minded, I didn't want my brother sleeping with my best friend." Emma swallowed hard, hearing Liv's opinion. That was why her stupid crush on Nate could never amount to anything now either.

This was far too much for her early morning commute.

She got off at her stop and started walking quicker thanks to the feeling akin to panic curing through her veins.

"Just please don't drop him this time." Liv said and suddenly it was clear to Emma why they were having this conversation. Liv was worried about Nate.

"Okay, why would I drop him and why are you so worried about him?"

Liv was quiet on the other side of the phone line. A sure sign that Emma had caught her out. It was the downfall of their life long friendship, it was hard to keep things from the other.

"Wait, what's that Kevin? An emergency? Sorry Em, gotta go."

Her best friend cut her off.

Emma glared at her phone as she kept walking. She debated calling her back or better yet ring Nate and clear all her sudden confusion up. But she had to get work.

And maybe she had far too much to contemplate on now.

Had she really just pushed Nate out of her life as soon as Fletcher arrived?

* * *

_Months later, after solidifying their comfortable routine and as Emma became happier in her new college environment, her life was changed._

_She had had a shower and was walking out to the living room to dry her hair when she heard the hushed tones of a Learner argument. Liv and Nate disagreeing over something, but both went silent when she appeared._

" _Hey, what's up? You two okay?" She asked._

_Liv looked between Nate and Emma, "We're fine, right?" She asked her older brother._

_He gave her a weird look, but it was one Emma knew. Like Liv was backing him into a corner._

" _Sure." He said, as if he had no other options._

" _Oh did you hear Nate and Laura broke up?" Liv said in a peppy tone. Emma hadn't hear, and she couldn't say she wasn't slightly pleased. Laura was lovely really, but Emma knew her dislike for the other girl sprang out of jealously. She hated it. She didn't want to be petty and jealous. But she was._

_Laura took up some of Emma's Nate time and Laura was everything that Emma wasn't. Had striking curly red hair, curves in all the right places, she was top of her class and outgoing, and Nate liked her._

_Therefore, it solidified the fact in Emma's mind that Nate would never like her._

" _Oh really? I'm sorry." Emma lied._

" _Nate broke up with her, why was that again?" Liv asked him._

_Nate couldn't have looked more uncomfortable. A far cry from when he would sit on the opposite side of her bed as they shared a pizza at night after they had finished studying and conversations about whatever came to mind, without a care in the world._

_He shrugged, "She just wasn't what I was looking for I guess."_

" _So…I decided I'm dragging him to Jake's party tonight, and he can find what he is looking for. You're coming too Emma." Liv said sternly._

" _How long do we have stay?" Nate asked Emma, leaning down to whisper in her ear as they entered the party later that night._

" _Liv will forget about us after a while." She reassured him as she watched her friend walk in ahead of them, seemingly stopping to talk to everyone in the hallway._

" _Give it an hour and we can plan our escape then?" He asked with a grin, placing a steadying hand on the small of her back as some guy barged down the hallway with too many beers in his hand and Emma stumbled for a split second in her high heels._

" _Yes please." Emma grinned back. Emma was starting to like going to parties with Liv again, making some friends for herself. But if the other option was spending time with Nate then there really was no competition._

" _Hey, you want to go for pizza afterwards?" He asked, "Just the two of us?" He added as an afterthought._

" _Sure, sounds great." She said, swallowing the disappointment that resurfaced every time it felt like they were solidifying their friendship and the chance of acting on her crush dissipated further._

" _Cool. It's a date then." He said but she only half heard as another guy bumped into her._

" _Sorry. You okay?" The taller guy asked, with a beautiful smile and strong shoulders, as he put a hand on her arm._

" _Yeah I'm fine." She said, butterflies suddenly sprouting in her stomach._

" _My friend's an idiot." He nodded to the guy with too many beers who was falling over the place and knocking into everybody. "Hey, can I get you a drink?"_

_She couldn't remember the last time such a good-looking guy had shown interest in her. "Oh, sure." She blushed, pushing a stray hair behind her ear._

" _I'm Fletcher, by the way." He said, shaking her hand, causing her become slightly breathless._

" _I'm Emma." She responded and was rewarded with a huge smile. "Oh and this is…" She turned around to introduce Nate because she always hated being forgotten about by Liv when a new guy came along but he wasn't behind her anymore. "…sorry I thought my friend was there…"_

" _Doesn't matter, stay there, I'll get you that drink." He leaned in to tell her above the noise of the party._

_She bit her lip as she watched him go._

_She caught sight of Nate standing against the door to the living room. "Hey," She called above the noise, "Are you okay?"_

_She worried suddenly because she had never seen such sadness on his face. She had seen him lost and upset after his parents' death, ecstatic and terrified when he had been accepted to college, devastated when their family dog had died and contented when they used to sit on the stairs at home._

_But this looked more than sadness, more like misery._

"… _Oh…yeah…" He said but he wasn't convincing either of them. "…Eh I just saw Laura…" He said but his voice was off and he wasn't meeting her eyes. "Heartbreak sucks." He sighed._

_Emma would know, she spent years wallowing in it when Nate would never look at her as anything different than his sister's friend. But she hated seeing him looking that upset._

" _I'm sorry." She said._

_But Fletcher appeared by her side, "There you are. Here you go." He handed her a drink. "Hey man." He said to Nate and Emma was nearly sure he was sizing Nate up._

" _Hey." Nate nodded back, "I better go find Liv." He excused himself. "See you later Emma." Giving her a reassuring smile, he disappeared into the crowd._

* * *

Emma was on her break later than day when it hit her. She had always remembered that party as the first time she had met Fletcher. She had spent all night talking to him and left with Liv, staying up until morning as they dissected everything that had happened with Fletcher.

It was only now, after the Fletcher haze had abated and Liv's warnings about Nate circled in her mind, that she remembered.

She had promised Nate that she would hang out with him afterwards. But she never did. He must have left the party by himself. And after that, well Fletcher worked himself into her routine and Nate kind of fell out of it.

She still saw him all the time of course, they were still practically family, or they would all hang out as a group but it was never as cosy and comfortable as it had been when it had been just the two of them.

Emma now put it down to finally finding someone who could keep her undivided attention  _away_  from Nate Learner. It was probably for the best for the love sick nineteen year old girl who only wanted Nate. And Nate had never brought up their sudden lack of alone time.

He had found another girlfriend soon enough, a blonde and ambitious girl,  _again,_  nothing like Emma had been. But Fletcher was there to soothe over the pain until she no longer got jealous of every one of Nate's girlfriends, until she moved from seeing him as her eventual happily ever after to seeing him as her friend's brother.

Emma nibbled at her sandwich.

But what happened now that Fletcher wasn't around to distract her anymore. Now her crush was flaring up again.

What happened when she remembered that all her childhood, dreaming of the her wedding at the Plaza, she had always dreamed of  _Nate_  waiting for her at the end of the aisle?

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Hope you're enjoying this story.
> 
> I'd love to know what you think, especially about the flashbacks, do you think they add to the story or slow it down too much?
> 
> I want to make this story the best it can be :)


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